In the previous article about Conflict and Emotion Management, we learned how to manage emotions in variety diverse situations. However, it may be difficult in the beginning to identify what message each emotion carries. Thus, in order to achieve greater success in stress and emotion management, it is highly useful to know tendencies to what those emotions or feelings actually mean to us when they emerge.
Whenever you know, what one of the nine most common negative emotions mean and its’ source, you will be able to identify it more quickly and accurately and, therefore, possess the ability to take action to deal with it constructively.
Emotions, their sources and messages they carry:
1. Fear – whenever this emotion occurs, it means you are unprepared for the event and are fearful of its consequences, for example, unprepared speech or presentation, lack of knowledge about an opponent in the negotiation, not knowing how to support request to raise salary etc. One may suspect that the fear comes from obscurity or uncertainty, but once you recall moment in life when you were 100% ready and prepared for whatever will comes up, you will notice that at that moment fear wasn’t so notable. Therefore, you may not know what is going to happen or how or where, but somehow certainty and confidence was all the time there. Remember, when you were well arranged for the event, did you feel any fear then? Get yourself prepared to deal with something that’s about to come. If it’s beyond your control, then change your perception and let it go.
2. Hurt – it is a signal, that you have an expectation that’s not being met or you have a sense of loss. Perhaps you have expected something (from the person or life generally) and it did not happen, so it hurt, insulted you. You don’t receive enough amount of attention from your lover, did great job and no one acknowledged it, you hoped to be surprised, but turned no one prepared a surprise and etc. Namely these and many more moments provide expectations that were not met. Perhaps not it is time for you to expect less? Expect something else? It is much more pleasant when your expectations exceed, and not the opposite.
3. Anger – announces a violation of important personal rules. Someone continuously takes your food, use your tools, said or did something inappropriate for you. This emotion teaches you your unique and personal laws and rules (if you don’t know them yet). In the event of a rising hurricane, it is necessary to find out which rule has been broken and explain it to other to avoid misunderstanding next time. Bear in mind, your rules might not match other people’s rules so, if you don’t change them, you might be angry the rest of your life.
4. Frustration – it signals whenever failure is occurring repeatedly. In moments of frustration or despair, source of the emotion Is usually clear, in other cases, deeper questioning may be needed. Maybe it’s work, personal life, relationships or environment. Depending on the situation it is wise decision to change actions or attitudes towards problem. Keep in mind, that same action brings same results and frustration arises whenever we forget this law of progress.
5. Disappointment – you expected something to happen, but it didn’t and sometimes we swallow sadness trying to forget and in other times we rise the biggest storm which often become a cause for regret. Someone was late, he didn’t remember anniversary or birthday, she is not there when you need, expect compliment for great job appeared as remark about failed task a month ago. It is truly disappointing; however, it is far healthier to concentrate on lowering your expectations or at least accept that not everything happens as you want (no matter how hard it seems to accept it).
6. Guilt – is about breaking your internal laws or values. Bedevilled by remorse will continue until the balance is restored by changing either behaviour or internal law..
7. Overload – helplessness – this is a signal to re-evaluate what is most important to you in current situation or life generally. Drawing a clear line between what is a necessity versus what is a desire. Prioritize your list. Take the first one on your list and do something about it. Do something to take control of events instead of letting them control you. The simplest way is to chunk it down, take one thing, and act on it.
8. Loneliness – this silent and stealth emotion teaches you to learn how to communicate with others, to be more friendly, tolerant and accessible. In this occasion clarify what exactly you yearn to satisfy this need: basic friendship, somebody to laugh with, somebody to listen to you, a room full of people etc. Then change your approach or change your actions in order to achieve it. Correct communication, gives desired results, allow yourself to adapt.